I Heart Tammy

Tammy said:

One person critiqued my writing by saying, “It serves no purpose other than to vent.” I can remember feeling stung by that for a moment until I realized that if I needed to vent then that’s a pretty big purpose. I am conflicted and raw and I think that comes through. I would rather be a bubbly, funny, fluff writer but I can’t fake it so here I am. I originally started this journal as something for myself and slowly found that a few others were responding, and they were grateful. Now my readers are in my thoughts as well, and it helps to not have this be so solitary.

Personally I am glad that she's NOT a "bubbly, funny, fluff writer".

I wish I had the power to take away her dad's abuse and suicide that has contributed so much pain to her life but I can't. What I hope she knows (do you know Tammy??) is that by sharing these monumentally intimate parts of her life with us, she is helping us deal with the demons we all have roaring inside us.

Blogging/journaling is very much like photography in that it freeze-frames a moment in time that we can go back to weeks and months and years later and remember and reflect on and sigh about.

Sometimes it's a good sigh and sometimes not so much.

There is a place and a purpose for "fluff'...I visit here and here every day but there is also very much a place and a need for journals like Tammy's that are not always full of happiness and funny banter and silly rants. Being so open and honest about depression and loss and the not-so-pleasant parts of living makes those of us who are maybe feeling some of that ourselves know that we aren't alone.

Someone said of her blog, after reading the story about her father's actions:

I had heard that a certain blog was good, but hadn't gone there until today. I didn't know what I read there was going to be so disturbing to me or I wouldn't have done it. I don't like to watch sad movies or read sad stories or have anything to do with anything sad if I can help it. My brain and heart get too tangled up in it. Sadness takes a death grip on me and it's hard to get free again. I won't be reading any more of it.

I read that and I instantly got mad and then felt defensive of Tammy.

Yeah, that's kinda silly but it's true.

This is another case of that intolerance and control-freak-ness rearing its head.

It's OK that she can't handle sad stuff (freak) and it's OK that not everyone thinks the way I do (FREAK) and I'm sure it wasn't meant to be mean or spiteful (F R E A K) and she made the post on her own site (coughcoughweirdassFREAKcoughcough) so that's her bidness.

Me?

I like the sad stuff.

I looooove watching Beaches when Hillary dies and when Bette Midler belts out Wind Beneath My Wings I do the full fledged ugly cry and IT FEELS GOOD.

As long as I'm alone.

If I'm not, I have to get up and leave the room during that part because I can't cry in front of people.

I guess maybe the point is that what Tammy went through is real and Beaches may not be but whatever MY POINT IS VALID.

I love that Tammy isn't afraid to lay it all out there and share so much. I love how Dooce isn't afraid to talk about how being a mom isn't all about Kool-Aid and fat, gurgling babies and that sometimes it flat out sucks and SOMETIMES you don't even LIKE your kid.

A lot of us write these not-blogs for mostly personal reasons...to vent or to feel we're putting our opinions out there, whatever.

The result of that, a lot of times, is to make a lotta people feel less alone with their inner-struggles and that's pretty awesome, eye em oh.

I had more to write about but meh.